Commitment
by lamardeuse
Rated: R
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski
Warnings (highlight to view): nothing to warn for
What. The fuck.
“Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray?”
Ray started. “Hunh? Wha?” He turned his head and saw Fraser staring at him like he was a jumper about to take a header off a really tall building.
Oh, right. They’d done that already. Along with fifty other kinds of crazy shit that defied death and reason. But what had just happened was a million times weirder than everything Fraser had dragged him through and then some.
“Are you all right?”
Ray shook his head slowly, then jerked a thumb out the door of the Goat, in the direction of his parents’ trailer. “Uh. We were just in there, right?”
“Yes, Ray,” Fraser said patiently, in his you have evidently suffered a blow to the head voice. “We celebrated your birthday with your parents this afternoon.”
“And we told them – ”
Fraser raised his eyebrows, confused. “ – that you had acquired a taste for pemmican up North?”
Ray scowled at him, and Fraser’s expression cleared. “Ah. You’re referring to the other bit of news.”
Ray rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Fraser. I am. We told my mom and dad – ” he trailed off, not sure how to word it.
“That we were involved with one another in a romantic sense,” Fraser supplied helpfully.
Ray’s face twisted. “Yeah, geez, okay.”
Fraser was back to confused. “Is there a problem? They took it very well, I thought.”
“Yeah, well, that’s the problem,” Ray told him. “They took it too well.”
“Do you think they were lying?”
“Naw, naw, it’s just – weird.” Never in a million years did he think his mom and his old man would take the news so well. Hell, his dad had hugged him, for chrissakes. “They were so good with it I think they’re gonna go out tomorrow and buy a fucking rainbow flag for the motor home. And God, did you hear my mom? She asked me if we were going to go in for one of those commitment ceremonies.” He shuddered. Some things he did not want to discuss with his mom ever, and that included her asking him if him and 'Benton' had had their colors done, because it was so important to have coordinating outfits for events like that. Jesus.
When Fraser didn’t answer, he jabbed the key in the ignition and started the engine. Darting a glance his way, Ray noticed Fraser was staring straight ahead, his expression thoughtful.
“What?”
Fraser shook his head and looked away. “Nothing, Ray. Shall we go?”
Ray cast a last glance at his parents’ front door adorned with the cheery sunflower Welcome wreath and sighed. “Yeah.”
As Fraser emerged from the bathroom after his shower, Ray rubbed his hands together. “So,” he said.
Fraser frowned slightly. “Yes?”
“C’mon, Frase,” Ray whined, “you been walkin’ around like the cat that ate the pigeon all week, and I know why.”
Fraser shifted from one foot to another. “Why?”
Ray made a let’s-go movement with his hands. “Because you got me a terrific present.”
Fraser looked at his feet. “Oh. Well, Ray – ”
“‘Fess up. You got me those fancy mats for the Goat, didn’t you?”
Fraser went from zero to sixty in two seconds flat, and then the words were pouring out. “Ah, well, you see, I was going to tell you. The – thing – that I had been planning to buy you, well, they didn’t have it in stock, you see, and so I obtained a rain check – ”
Ray held up a hand. “Wait a minute,” he said, suddenly cluing in. “You’re lying, aren’t you?”
Instantly deflating, Fraser hung his head. “Yes.”
“Okay,” Ray said slowly. “Now you mind telling me why?”
And then Fraser lifted his head, and the look in his eyes scared the shit out of Ray, because he’d seen that look only once before – right after Ray had punched him. Fraser drew in a deep breath before speaking. “Because after this afternoon,” he said quietly, “I realize that the gift I had in mind…wouldn’t be appropriate.”
Loud, clanging alarm bells were going off in Ray’s head, but he was determined he wasn’t going to fuck this up any more than he had already. He’d managed to miss the signs with Stella and he sure as hell was not going to miss them with Fraser. Carefully, he rose to his feet and approached Fraser, arms loose at his sides.
“Frase,” he murmured, holding his gaze, “anything you give me is appropriate, because it’s from you. I don’t care if you give me a bag of homemade pemmican or a shiny rock you found in Tuktoywhatsis, I’m gonna love it, because I love you.” Tentatively, he placed his hands on Fraser’s hips, feeling the terry material covering the pale skin.
Fraser stared at him for a long time, with Ray staring right back, knowing that if he blinked now, something important would be over. He’d have missed a moment he hadn't even known was coming.
Finally, Fraser said, “All right,” and turned. Ray’s hands dropped, and he stood there like a goof, waiting for who knew what. He closed his eyes for a moment and concentrated on breathing, in, out, in out. When he opened them again, Fraser was standing in front of him.
Then he looked down and saw the small velvet box in Fraser’s hand.
Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit.
“It – ” Fraser’s voice faltered, and he cleared his throat before starting again. “It wouldn’t be official, of course, but…well. I know now that you’re not entirely comfortable – ”
Ray reached for the box with shaking hands. Opening it slowly, he stared at the simple, wide silver ring, watched his fingers take it out, turn it over and over in his palm.
He’d sworn he’d never wear one of these again.
And yet he was going to wear Fraser’s. He knew it like he knew his own name.
“Never mind, Ray,” Fraser said wearily. “I understand.”
“You don’t understand jack shit,” Ray said roughly. “And neither do I.” He raised his gaze to Fraser’s, then held out the ring. “Put it on me. Please.”
Ray smiled when Fraser’s trembling fingers closed around the warm silver band.
“Oh, Christ,” Ray groaned, flopping back onto the mattress, “I’m gonna like married life.”
Fraser lowered Ray’s legs from his shoulders, then collapsed beside him. Ray rolled to face him, grinning down at him with the joy of the freshly laid. “I’m gonna get you one too, okay?”
Fraser treated him to a matching grin, only with that crooked tooth that always drove Ray nuts. “Okay,” he said simply. “Of course, you know none of this will be official; neither my country nor yours acknowledges same-sex marriage.”
“Hm. Any countries that do?”
“The Netherlands,” Fraser said immediately.
“Well, now I know where I’m spending my two weeks off next summer.” Ray leaned down and licked into Fraser’s mouth until he tasted that crooked tooth. “You think you might want to come along?”
Fraser kissed him back until he was straddling Ray’s body, every possible square inch of skin pressing against the corresponding territory of Ray’s.
“Yes,” Fraser breathed into Ray’s open mouth, “I believe I would like that very much.”
End
May 2006
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